We spent last week visiting the sights of northern,
Malaysian Borneo. Hiking, scuba diving, jungle trekking, monkey viewing, and rental car destroying. It all starts in
Semporna, where we had been scuba diving on
Sipidan island the day before. I wake up and go down to the lobby to use the
internet while
Ayis sleeps. I get down to the lobby and I notice a group of men squatting by the car so I go to see what is the commotion. Someone has hit our rental car and then sped off. There is a big dent and it is hard to
open the driver side door. There are even little pieces of the other person's motorbike (maybe). I wake
Ayis up and we have breakfast before calling the rental car company. They tell us we must get a police report. We pack up and head to the police station. We tell the officer what happened and he goes away to write the report. A few minutes later, I hear the officer call out, "
umm, miss. . .miss
Heder." He would like me to tell him my address. I rattle off our address in
Gerringong. "
umm, miss. . .you type." I sit at the policeman's computer and type in the address. I go to get up and let the officer have his chair back, but he has decided I should type the whole report since I am a faster
typer. The image of a white woman sitting at the
Sabah police computer typing a report has caused some interest. It is now me sitting at the computer typing the report with 5 officers standing behind me watching. I even get to use the official stamps to certify the form. However, this fiasco has taken some time and if we want to see both the
Madai caves and the Proboscis monkeys we will have to hurry.
Ayis drives like a madman! We get to the
Madai caves where I collect a group of stalker-guides (14 yr old boys) who don't speak English but have a damn
powerful flashlight with which to explore the caves. They are very nice and while
Ayis leaves me to stumble around in the dark (he has our only flashlight). They light my path and hold my hand over the slippery surfaces. We quickly explore the bat and
swiftlet bird filled
cave and then it is back to the highway! The Proboscis monkeys are fed at 4:30 and we just have enough time to make it, but gas is low and anticipation is high. It is 4:09 and we make it to the turn off for the monkey sanctuary. We have 15
kms to go on a dirt road in a Proton
Waja. There are many dips, holes, and ruts.
Ayis is going fast.
Ayis may be going too fast.
Babooom-
donk! Something bad has happened. The car doesn't like to shift gears, but we press on. We must see the monkeys. We coast into the sanctuary with 4 minutes to spare. We see the monkeys being fed and it is impressive. Victory and glory belong to us!
After all the monkeys have retreated, a man comes up to us and says, "you should not take little car down old road. Very bad. take new road, much better." No problems, sir. we will do that. We return to Panic the Proton (our car's nickname since it likes to sound its alarm for no reason). There is a large pink puddle under it.
Ayis looks worried. He does like all men do and fiddles with stuff under the hood without
actually
accomplishing anything. We get in the car and start it. We drive about 1.3
kms and the car stops.
Ayis hypothesizes that we are out of gas and jumps on the back of a plantation worker's scooter to go retrieve some. We fill the tank with 3 litres and get inside the car for the moment of truth. Key in ignition, key turns. . .CAR STARTS! Victory and glory belongs to us! We drive about 1.1
kms, car dies. Car dies good. Car dies
permanently. Many warning lights are lit on the dash. Panic is unhappy. We walk 800m to a guard house on the plantation. They call a tow truck, it will be there by 8:30 pm. We spend the next 1.5 hours sitting with a plantation worker and her 5 kids, drinking Coca-cola. The tow truck arrives and it is going to cost 360RM ($123
AUD) to get to the town where we are staying. There is no room inside the tow truck for us to ride so we just sit in our Panic the Proton while it gets towed. We get the driver to take us to his shop at 10:30pm so that we can wash the car and claim that it was never driven off the paved highway. We finally get to the B&B and crash. The next day
Ayis spends on the phone
with the rental car company telling them "what happened."
This all goes to prove that insurance agencies are correct to charge 25 yr old male drivers the highest premiums. We are still not sure how much of a car Ayis will have to purchase, but all of that glory belongs to him.
open the driver side door. There are even little pieces of the other person's motorbike (maybe). I wake Ayis up and we have breakfast before calling the rental car company. They tell us we must get a police report. We pack up and head to the police station. We tell the officer what happened and he goes away to write the report. A few minutes later, I hear the officer call out, "umm, miss. . .miss Heder." He would like me to tell him my address. I rattle off our address in Gerringong. "umm, miss. . .you type." I sit at the policeman's computer and type in the address. I go to get up and let the officer have his chair back, but he has decided I should type the whole report since I am a faster typer. The image of a white woman sitting at the Sabah police computer typing a report has caused some interest. It is now me sitting at the computer typing the report with 5 officers standing behind me watching. I even get to use the official stamps to certify the form. However, this fiasco has taken some time and if we want to see both the Madai caves and the Proboscis monkeys we will have to hurry. 
Ayis drives like a madman! We get to the Madai caves where I collect a group of stalker-guides (14 yr old boys) who don't speak English but have a damn powerful flashlight with which to explore the caves. They are very nice and while Ayis leaves me to stumble around in the dark (he has our only flashlight). They light my path and hold my hand over the slippery surfaces. We quickly explore the bat and swiftlet bird filled 
actually accomplishing anything. We get in the car and start it. We drive about 1.3kms and the car stops. Ayis hypothesizes that we are out of gas and jumps on the back of a plantation worker's scooter to go retrieve some. We fill the tank with 3 litres and get inside the car for the moment of truth. Key in ignition, key turns. . .CAR STARTS! Victory and glory belongs to us! We drive about 1.1kms, car dies. Car dies good. Car dies permanently. Many warning lights are lit on the dash. Panic is unhappy. We walk 800m to a guard house on the plantation. They call a tow truck, it will be there by 8:30 pm. We spend the next 1.5 hours sitting with a plantation worker and her 5 kids, drinking Coca-cola. The tow truck arrives and it is going to cost 360RM ($123AUD) to get to the town where we are staying. There is no room inside the tow truck for us to ride so we just sit in our Panic the Proton while it gets towed. We get the driver to take us to his shop at 10:30pm so that we can wash the car and claim that it was never driven off the paved highway. We finally get to the B&B and crash. The next day Ayis spends on the phone with the rental car company telling them "what happened." This all goes to prove that insurance agencies are correct to charge 25 yr old male drivers the highest premiums. We are still not sure how much of a car Ayis will have to purchase, but all of that glory belongs to him.
