Out of the truck, in to the food chain. . .

We have moved to a significantly more posh camp today still on the Okavango delta. I am staying in a “tent.” I use the word loosely. My “tent” has a porch, a queen bed, a desk, a phone, air conditioning, full length mirror, bar fridge, safe, and a shower bigger than my last apartment. Did I mention that we are currently on the edge of the Kalahari desert? on the poorest continent in the world? in a country with a 45% unemployment rate? There are people in this country without access to fresh drinking water and I have a BAR FRIDGE in my “tent.” A maid wakes me up at 6 am with tea and biscuits which have to be brought in my room right away because of the abundance of thieving monkeys. I then walk 200 m to the main lodge where breakfast is served. At 7 am, we drive around for 3 hours in our own personal Landcruiser with our own guide (The carbon foot print for this trip is tiny- for my friends not well versed in sarcasm-that was it.) We then return to the lodge for brunch, siesta in our air conditioned "tents", and a dip in the pool. After all the riding, sleeping, and eating it is then time for afternoon tea. We will need our energy for our afternoon game drive. How could we sit for 3 hours if we didn't have a full stomach? (again-sarcasm) A full 4 course dinner is served when we return from the drive at 8 pm, after which we can relax on the deck, or in our "tents", or go for an environmentally-friendly night drive (I really shouldn't have to tell you this time) Most of the time I am embarrassed to be a part of this culture. It must seem utterly ridiculous to the Botswanan people that us "whiteys" demand so much luxury in the middle of freakin' nowhere. I constantly want to apologize to the waitress, barman, maid, gardener, and driver for the frivolous nature of all of this, for my president only giving money to AIDS organizations that teach abstention, and for my British colonial heritage.

On the other hand. . .
I have seen elephants, giraffe, cheetahs, lions, zebra, 5 different types of antelope, hyena, hippopotamus, wildebeest, and jackals. Thank you mom & dad! I have also seen the oh-so-adorable baby elephants, giraffe, lions, zebras, and hyenas. This is a truly beautiful place and despite having nothing, some of the most wonderful people. Yes, I realize my parents are paying them bunches of money to be nice to me, but they seem nice anyway. I spent a while talking to this huge African man named Julius. He told me how Oprah once came to the game ranch, HE flew in HIS own plane. Julius didn't know how HE made all HIS money though. Julius didn't know that Oprah was a woman, but knew it was very important that HE came. This made me giggle and I politely told Julius that Oprah was the first black Queen of America. It seems true enough.

Well, I gotta go now. It is time for high tea and I want to get there early so I can make an appointment with the masseuse. (Fortunately/unfortunately that was not sarcasm)

I will post pictures later. . .

I shot a man in Reno. . .

I just got back from celebrating Big Daddy Cash's 90th birthday in a land called Tennessee. It was a riot! No really, Covington played Brighton in the local football game and there was a mini riot consisting of old men punching each other in the parking lot and one shotgun fatality. Other than that, I spent all weekend encouraging Big Daddy to eat dessert first, which he is happy to oblige. It is a practice that I indulge in at 27, and you can bet your britches (look ma, I got my hick speak back!) I will do it when I am 90. He and Mimi were so sweet on each other. They may not always know where they are going, but they know they are going to go there together. I especially enjoyed Mimi watching TV. . .

Mimi: "Heather, who is that colored boy on the TV?"
Heather: "That is Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all time and a multimillionaire."
Mimi: "I thought that was who that was."

Other successful accomplishments for the weekend include convincing Nanny (my Dad's mom) to be made into a diamond when she dies and, being the only cousin of reproductive age without children, staying far away from the tiny terrors.

The weeks before that I have been in Colorado hiking, cutting oak brush, and riding 4-wheelers (I was born to race) with my Dad. Mom would be on one side of the house feeding squirrels and Dad would be on the other shooting chipmunks with a pellet gun. Mom won't let him use the shotgun around the house anymore. They are, after all, civilized people.
We had a 5/6 day hike on the Continental Divide trail planned, but after 2 days one of our traveling companions became very sick. David had a kidney stone which made him vomit and he couldn't keep any fluids down, so we bailed out early. The bail out wasn't the easiest thing, about 11 miles and a 3,000 ft change in elevation, all with some extra pack weight to try and help the rescue attempt. David did make it the whole way under his own power and pure will. He then got to a hospital for treatment of dehydration and kidney stones. All very exciting, except to him.

I am now off to Africa and won't be back until October 11th. I have already started taking my hallucinogenic Malaria medicine. The non-hallucinogenic stuff is 4 times more expensive, so I figured a cheap trip was worthwhile. I have had some crazy dreams including a romp with guinea pigs that I genetically engineered in my evil laboratory to have eyelashes like javelins sticking straight out of their heads and fending off lions with a car door. They say the dreams get worse the longer you take the meds. . .I got enough for 23 weeks!